Does Anybody (Else) Care About My Career?

After reporting to eleven bosses in eleven years at the last organization I worked for as a communications director, I knew it was time for me to take control of my work life. The way I put it to myself was, “If anyone’s going to pilot my life, it’s going to be me.”

If you’re a boomer who’s facing your professional future with a frown, the tactics I used to resolve my situation, as well as the tips at the end of this post, can help you plan your own Great Escape.

The specific conditions that provoked my personal wake-up call and the exact career I embarked on might not be the same as yours. But if you know that what you’re doing with your life isn’t what you were meant to do, I hope that parts of the strategy I applied can offer you a path to your next career.

Coaching     

Long before I abandoned my job, I put myself into the hands of a coach. I can still picture myself hunched over a yellow lined pad, feverishly writing down my coach’s tenets of success. A lot of them had to do with modifying my mental attitude. She convinced me that it was critical that I focus on success rather than stir up every thought of failure I could summon.

I finally realized that if I didn’t take the first few baby steps she outlined, I would never arrive at any grand goal I might have had in mind.

In my case, that meant that if I didn’t submit my writing for publication, 100% of it would be unpublished. So, while still at my old job, I submitted an essay to a national publication. From hundreds of applicants, I was among the 12 chosen to write a whole series of articles. That experience demonstrated for me that I had something valuable to offer.

Then my coach and I moved on to writing down simple steps I could take to begin a new career.

For example, I was to set up my home office to be effective for my new career (and the new me), rather than for the old ones. That helped me start seeing myself in a new light, and begin to take myself seriously.   

Strategies

I want to share some more of the strategies my coach taught me.

Keep your hand in. Even before you can leave or change your job and do what you like full time, take advantage of opportunities to do the work you want to do. It may be as a volunteer. Some people get new jobs based on work they did do or contacts they made through volunteer work.

Associate with others who are doing what you want to do. Seek out those who are in the field you want to be in. It’s easy to do that these days. If there’s no one in your community who shares your interests, join an online community through the groups on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn.com. Some of the people you “meet” online will live in your area, and after chatting online for a while, you can get together in person, if you chose to.

Carve out a physical space, no matter how small, where you will do your new work. It might be a corner of your kitchen or bedroom, a section of your attic, or even—weather permitting—your porch.

Take classes in the field you want to enter. That has the double benefit of making it possible to meet others with your interests.

Pay down your bills, in preparation for your new work—which might not pay as much as you’re used to earning.

Put a little money aside—even if it’s only a few dollars a week—and earmark it for your new career. (I left my job right at the beginning of this last recession, so it was pretty scary. But scarier still was the toll my job was taking on my health and well being.) 

Don’t wait for permission from anyone—not your husband, your family, your parents, or your employer. Of course, it’s better to have everyone’s cooperation. But remind yourself that you deserve to be fulfilled in your work. Your mind and body will thank you. And those close to you will see that you’re a lot more fun to be around when you’re doing work that’s meaningful to you.

Prepare yourself to take a risk. There’ll be some sleepless nights during your transition. But if you’re like most of us who have put off our passions in favor of a job we don’t feel suited for, you’re probably already doing some tossing and turning in the wee hours.  

As we get older, we begin to wonder how much longer we can afford to put off our dreams. What are we waiting for? A lottery win would be nice, but come on, what are the odds of that happening?

After my first meeting with my coach, I hung a quotation above my desk. It’s by the novelist Louis Auchincloss, a cousin of Jackie Onassis.

“One can spend one’s whole existence never learning the simple lesson that one has only one life and that if one fails to do what one wants with it, nobody really cares.”

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Lynette Benton is the author of the essays, “From Part Time to Parting Time” in Skirt! Magazine and “After Burnout, a New Career Helping Writers,” in More Magazine online.

She is also the author of Polish and Publish: The Indispensable Toolkit for Creative Writers to Get Started and Get Published. Her website is http://lynettebentonwriting.com.

Note: For more excellent strategies on making a career transition, check out the book Working Identity by Herminia Ibarra.

MYOB: Mind Your Own Boundaries

I grew up learning this lesson:

If someone is in need, don’t ask if you can help – just do it.

Try this approach in your job search or your career transition. Give back more than you get.

Not that you will keep score, but it’s an attitude that might just make you a happier person. Giving back tends to bring its rewards quietly and when you least expect it. Months later doors might be opened that you never knew existed.

People tend to mirror the way they are treated. If you show an interest in sharing information and helping others to achieve their goals, it is likely that those people will want to support your goals in return.

Do we know this already? Of course we do.

But for some crazy reason, we all need reminders about simple things.

The key to all of this is to be an active participant. Look for opportunities to help others and connect people with each other. Look for the chance to cooperate with colleagues or coworkers. Look for the chance to help colleagues that are seeking employment or mentor a young person. Seek out these opportunities.

The truth of the matter is that if you support others, you will seldom experience a shortage of having that favor returned.

One caution: Understand and honor your own boundaries.

What the heck are boundaries anyway? It’s a tricky concept to define. The online dictionary definition from About.com is

The emotional and physical space that we place between others and ourselves. Setting proper boundaries is important to our mental health. When appropriate boundaries are not set, we run the risk of becoming either too detached from or too dependent upon others.

We must always consider both our own boundaries and the boundaries of others in order to establish positive relationships. This is not an easy task, since each person’s definition of an appropriate boundary may differ.

When researching information for this post, I came across a wild story about boundaries. You may already be familiar with it. It was a surprise to me.

Have you heard of Penelope Trunk?

She runs a social networking site for managing careers called The Brazen Careerist, and writes a terrific blog with half a million visitors a month. Yes – half a million…(I highly recommend her blog)

In late 2009, Penelope updated her Twitter feed about having a miscarriage during a business meeting. It read like this:

“I’m in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness, because there’s a fucked-up three-week hoop-jump to have an abortion in Wisconsin.“

As you can imagine, this tweet caused an uproar. You may have read the article in the the Guardian. It is a fascinating read if you have a few minutes.

In the article, Penelope states that she was shocked that her statement created such an uproar.

Really? Shocked? I was surprised to hear that. Penelope is in no uncertain terms a very sophisticated and intelligent business woman. Why would she be shocked?

It seems to me this is an issue about boundaries. There is no true right or wrong, and I am not making any judgments. But we all need to be accountable for our public statements and consider how others will react to them. Penelope didn’t seem concerned. Would you be?

Some boundary basics:

1. It is crucial to always respect boundaries – both your own and others’. Honoring boundaries is a major component of trust. And without that, you have nothing.
2. If you feel fatigued when you are interacting with someone, it’s time to reassess whether boundaries need to be clarified. (It’s very easy to convince yourself to ignore this – don’t do it)
3. If someone becomes so dependent upon you that it begins to feel uncomfortable, it means that they are overstepping your boundaries. Likewise, be careful not to overstep the boundaries of others. Pay attention to cues that your behavior or your language may be making another uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter why.

An example: A colleague, Jason (not his real name) asked me to introduce him to one of my LinkedIn contacts (Joe).  Jason was trying to expand and build his consulting practice. I offered to connect him with two other business contacts, but I told him it wasn’t a good time for me to approach Joe because he had just done me another favor and I knew this was a chaotic time in his company.

Unfortunately, Jason wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. He wrote me at least 3 emails within 1 week, rationalizing why I should introduce him to Joe ASAP.  Jason showed complete disregard for my reasoning.

Needless to say, I was taken aback by Jason’s lack of respect for my clearly stated boundaries. Jason overstepped them. Another surprise was when Jason contacted me again a few months later and repeated the same request.

Can you guess how likely I am to help out Jason next time around?

Has someone you tried to help overstepped his/her boundaries? Have you overstepped yours?

Everything Old Becomes New Again

Either the world is speeding up beyond belief or our brains were kidnapped by aliens and we now exist in a time warp machine  moving at the speed of light.

Once in a while, however,  things on earth circle back around and ‘everything old becomes new again’. It brings a little smile to  my face when the circle theory still shows up, albeit in subtle ways. Let’s take the job search process, for example.

We have all been forced to adjust to online applications, (along with the big black hole) and the difficulty of networking with  colleagues that are often working too many hours and are under a great deal of stress. It’s not easy.

Remember those books entitled Megatrends by authors John Naisbitt and Patricia Aburdene? The authors predicted (with uncanny foresight) the key trends for upcoming decades.  Note: The first was published in 1982, then 2000, and most recently Ms. Aburdene wrote another in 2010.

Well, here are my Retro-Trend predictions about the job search and workplace. This is just the beginning of an evolving list. If you have other ideas, please send them to me and I’ll write about them.

Prediction 1: Snail Mail Regains its Popularity

It wasn’t so long ago when mailing a resume and cover letter in an envelope with a stamp was the  norm. How many hard copy resumes do you think anyone receives now? Probably none.  Some might  even see it as an indication that the applicant is not computer savvy.

How would a recruiter or hiring manager react now if they received a high quality resume in the  mail? I’m betting that many would find it refreshing. (How often do you ignore anything with a  hand-written name and address?)

What is this professional textured paper and feels good to the touch? How unique. How creative.  How different.

On TheJobBored blog, the author of a post about this very subject believes that “sending a physical resume (nice paper stock, neatly printed, nice envelope) shows a certain touch of class…”

I, for one, would welcome the opportunity to read something on paper instead of another email with glazed eyes. And I certainly would remember the candidate’s name. I might even talk about her/him by the water cooler.

Prediction 2: Hand-Written Notes Become Cool Again

Okay, so most people know that they should send a follow up thank you note after interviewing. Yep – each candidate goes home and writes the obligatory thank you email and sends it right out.

The problem is that it doesn’t mean too much (but you still have to do it).  How much time does it take? Maybe 2 minutes, if that…especially for the cynics who think it’s a waste of time anyway.

The content goes something like this: “Thanks for taking the time to speak with me today. You have a great company and I know I can do the job.” Done. And people feel good because they sent this note out on the SAME DAY as the interview.

How would a potential employer react if you actually took pen to paper and wrote a note that reflects a common sentiment or a business idea that you shared during the interview?  Hmmm, I wonder.

Prediction 3:  Pounding the Pavement Returns

Now this is a stretch – but I like to live on the edge. Most of you won’t even remember when one method of job searching was to literally walk into a company off the street – dressed appropriately, of course – to inquire about work opportunities. Well, some of us actually did that.

I had a client very recently who gave it a try. Believe it or not, the recruiting manager happened to be there and invited her in to talk for 20 minutes. Voila – the interview process had begun. Let me also say that this young woman was confident and prepared. She knew what she was going to say and was pleasant, engaging, positive and non-pushy.

I know it might seem very lame, but hey – is anything else working? What can you lose? The University of Phoenix seems to think this bold move could be a useful tool in the job search, particularly for young professionals.

So, who knows? Maybe it’s true what they say about everything old becomes new again.

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Just as an aside, I also predict that hand written notes and poems will come back as romantic gestures. Ever think about what the impact would be if you wrote a “real” letter to your loved one and left it under his/her pillow – or wrote a friend how you feel about them? Give it a try and let me know how it felt to rekindle something exciting.

Getting back to ideas about work and job search – What do you think?

Reluctant Harry: Networking Redefined – Part Three.

True story. (adapted for confidentiality)

One of my clients, Harry, is aspiring to be an academic editor for the latter part of his   successful career. He wants to start by getting his feet wet through freelance writing while he still holds his position as IT Director, and noticed a job posting for a temporary project editor at a book company specializing in textbooks.

Now, just for your information, Harry tends to undervalue his writing talent and underestimate the power of networking.

Harry is in sort of a rut. He has done a darn good job of convincing himself that editing cannot be a part of his future. At least not getting paid for it.

‘It’s too late’ is Harry’s favorite phrase.

Upon seeing the job posting, Harry’s inner critic immediately started mumbling

You’ll never get this job – they probably want editors who are experienced or at least have academic backgrounds.

So Harry didn’t take any action.

After talking about how unproductive it was to dismiss a potential opportunity just because of the negative chatter in his brain, I convinced Harry to apply.  He did.

Did he hear anything back in the ten days? No. The black hole of Internet applications is alive and well.

I suggested he look on LinkedIn to see if he found anyone who previously worked at the company or who works there now.  He reluctantly agreed to look, saying ‘I doubt if I’m connected to anyone in that world – it’s probably a waste of time’.

Lo and behold, there were dozens of people listed and even a few that were only 2 degrees of separation in his network.  I thought I might have seen a glimmer of hope in Harry’s eyes (not sure).

Harry immediately wanted to send a message to one of the HR people at the company, asking for the job. I suggested that he try taking a more subtle approach.

There was a person (Mike) listed that currently works in the department that he had applied to.  All Harry needed to do was ask one person (Sally) in his network if she would be willing to connect him to Mike.

Harry didn’t think that this would work, but agreed to give it a try. He clicked on the  “Request an Introduction” link and wrote his notes to both Mike and Sally. His note was friendly and professional, yet had the tone of a cover letter asking for the job.

“How about just asking to have a conversation so you could learn more about the company”? Good idea.

Harry heard back from Mike within 48 hours, and they scheduled a time to talk by phone. Mike thought Harry was very articulate and they discovered they both had a love for sailing. Harry learned a bit about the company as well as the name of the hiring director. (Mike was very generous in sharing this).

Harry contacted the hiring director, met with her the following week, and is now working on his very first part-time editing project. And yes, he is getting paid for it.

Harry is reluctant no more.

Go Harry.

Networking Redefined: Part Two

Over sixty years ago Dale Carnegie espoused fundamental principles of how to connect with other people in positive ways. Do you believe it’s true that every person has a deep desire to be appreciated and recognized for who they are and what they do well?

If you do, then the most important thing to remember when meeting someone is to take an interest in who they are and what they are trying to achieve. Dale Carnegie taught this in his book and training programs “How To Win Friends and Influence People“.

When we are in a career transition or trying to climb the ladder,we tend to get tangled up in our ego. We    become narcissistic. Everything is about us.  If we can train ourselves to get out of this mode and open our  hearts to others, we will make new connections more easily. Helping someone accomplish his/her goals or  fulfill his/her needs helps build loyalty. What could be more important to any relationship than loyalty?

I find that many clients, when in the grip of desperation (we all know that feeling), take a very short view on relationships. Again falling into the trap of narcissism, they focus on what the person in front of them can do for them right now. Mistake.

Relationships take time. It’s okay to start slowly. It’s a positive move to begin the relationship helping her/him instead of yourself. In fact, you may feel better about you in the meantime. Be interested, ask questions and listen, listen, listen. Really try to help. Follow up. Better yet, take action immediately to put that person in touch with another person or get helpful information. Send them an article or a book or a suggestion.

Let’s not forget Dale Carnegie’s key message. Everyone wants to feel important. Next time you meet a new person or reconnect with someone from the past, focus on making him/her feel important. The caveat in this is that it MUST be sincere. The worst thing you can do is patronize.

Give it time, and if  you approach all of  your relationships this way, I guarantee you will see a change in your career for the better.

If you click this link, you will go to the Dale Carnegie Training site where they are offering a free PDF download of Dale Carnegie’s Secrets to Success.  It’s great. There is nothing earth shattering in it; it’s simple, clear and easy to read. (I would venture to guess that we all need more simplicity in our lives) I’m sure that you will feel that it also rings true.

Dale Carnegie was ahead of his time. Let’s invite his spirit back into our lives – he has a lot of wisdom to share.

For some reason, we all need to hear this stuff over and over to get it through our heads and more importantly, to put it into practice.

Good night, and keep the faith.

Networking Redefined: Part One

Do you ever get tired of hearing the word ‘networking’?

There is no question that networking continues to be the most important skill in today’s world, as long its definition is building reciprocal relationships.

Yet maybe it’s time to look at it in new ways.

We’ve all proselytized about the necessities of networking in order to make a successful career transition or earn career success. And for sure this is true. I do believe that networking is the way.

I wish we could come up with another word without some of the inherent negative implications. Any ideas?

I’d like to throw out a couple of simple thoughts about networking. Please share your comments so I can hear your take. By all means share new ideas too.

• THERE ARE ALTERNATIVES TO “WORKING A ROOM”.

The phrase itself implies manipulation, it’s no wonder some people are turned off by it. You can indeed attend a conference and make it worthwhile without introducing yourself to every person in the room or being the outspoken conversationalist during lunch.

How?

Listen to what the speakers are saying and take notes on interesting points. The speakers will most likely have people waiting to talk with them afterwards and it might be hard to push your way in. Don’t beat yourself up even if you had hoped to introduce yourself.

Contact the speaker afterwards and say you heard them at the conference but didn’t get a chance to talk with them and you are wondering about something she/he said that intrigued you.

Do the same with people eating lunch at your table. Attendees will often get up to ask a question of keynote and other speakers. Savvy people will introduce themselves prior to asking their question. Take note of their name and company and what they ask.

Follow up with them a day or two after the conference. Mention something about their question and invite them to talk more about it over coffee. Better yet, suggest that you might be able to help (if that’s true).

• YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PREPARED WITH THE PERFECT STATEMENT TO APPROACH A STRANGER.

Most of you probably know Keith Ferrazzi. I highly recommend his book “Never Eat Alone”. Keith brings up several insightful points that I rarely see mentioned in other networking books. Here are a few of his words of wisdom.

* There’s one guaranteed way to stand out in the professional world: Be yourself.

* Too many of us believe that ‘breaking the ice’ means coming up with a brilliant or witty remark. The best icebreaker is a few words from the heart.

The key here is to stop worrying about saying the ‘right’ thing, take a risk and allow a piece of your humanity to show. If you can make a connection in this way, it could be the beginning of a relationship.

This is one of many blogs to come with a different twist on networking.

How have you approached networking that might be of value to others?

Season of Kindness

Happened to come across a post by Steve Arneson talking about unemployment statistics. It’s scary.

But more importantly, I think we can all use a kick in the pants sometimes to put more energy into helping others (myself included). The irony is, the more we help others, the more it comes back around to us. It truly is better to give than receive. Steve says

Here’s what I want you to do – if you know someone who is looking for a job, call them up – today. Ask them how they’re doing, and what you can do to help. Get the story again on what they’re looking for, and reach out to your network to see if you can spark interest in their resume or maybe even arrange a meeting or interview.

You may not be able to put a dent in the larger unemployment numbers, but you can rededicate yourself to helping those in your own circles. Especially at this time of year, when hiring is light, spend some time with your colleagues who need your help; believe me, they’ll appreciate your call.

Enough said.  Happy Holidays to all and to all a good night.

Toltec Wisdom Applied to Careers

What does personal freedom have to do with career decisions and work satisfaction?

Personal freedom is connected with the human spirit. We can blame everyone and everything for imposing on our personal freedom, but the truth is that we often stop ourselves from being free.

Thousands of years ago, the Toltecs were a people known in Mexico as “women and men of knowledge”. They were masters and students. Toltec knowledge was not a religion but rather, a way of life, and its wisdom can provide valuable insights into modern day job search or career transition.

Several years ago I read a book entitled The Four Agreements http://tinyurl.com/6kx5f9 by Don Miguel Ruiz. I picked it up again recently.

The Four Agreements are very basic yet powerful. See if you might gain some value from thinking about them in relationship to your career journey.

The First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word

Your reputation is everything. Whether you are just beginning to build your career, are a seasoned leader in your prime, or an individual ready to transition out of one career into another, you must speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.

Building trust and developing a reputation of integrity will carry you through difficult times and also be a legacy for those who rise behind you.

If you are in a career transition or job search, your word and how trustworthy and real you are will precede you when you are networking and will follow you into your next endeavor.

Yes – polish your approach and refine your words, but be honest and true. You won’t go wrong.

The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally

This is the toughest agreement for me to abide by. I used to take everything personally. I am finally at a point where I can let things go much of the time, but I still catch myself taking things personally.

The point of this agreement is that nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.

If someone gives you an opinion that is negative, i.e. ‘You can’t do this job’ – don’t take it personally. Taking things personally sets you up to suffer.

Be gracious and positive, and know that you are a person of quality and integrity, and move on.

To me, this is one of the most difficult of the agreements, yet I think it is vitally important. Think about how confident and centered you would come across to others if you didn’t take things personally and react defensively.

The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

We tend to make assumptions about everything, and worse yet, we believe that our assumptions are true. Very dangerous.

Assumptions happen quickly. Our minds trick us.

Say you went on an interview with the CEO of a new start-up and you had a great conversation, had a lot in common and she talked like you already had the job. You left the meeting on a high; you went home and you assumed this deal was moving forward – “This is it,” you say to yourself. “I’m their new Marketing Director”.

Three weeks go by and you don’t hear a word. Now you make a different assumption all of a sudden. You assume the CEO is not considering you and she was just ‘acting’ as if she liked you. Is this true? We don’t know.

Perhaps the CEO is traveling. Perhaps the company is on the brink of a big meeting with a venture capitalist for a huge infusion of money. You don’t know.

Making assumptions is a habit. Just like any other habit, we need to take a different action over and over again to change it. Practice.

One way to avoid making assumptions is to ask questions for clarity.

The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best

This agreement allows the first three to become ingrained.

“Always do your best”- We have heard this before. Simple, right? Well – not always.

How often do you feel guilty because you “should have researched that company more before meeting that networking contact” or you “could have closed that deal if you had remembered the details about that product”…

One thing to keep in mind is that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to another.

Everything in life is constantly changing, so your best will also change over time. Just do your best in any circumstance and don’t judge yourself (that’s the hard part).

The more you practice these agreements, the more centered and clear your life will become. People will be drawn to you and think highly of you.

And I suspect you will be more likely to attract the type of work situations that are a good match for you.

How Power, Kindness & Veggies Can Help Your Career

In a recent Wall Street Journal Article, “How to Fix a Career in the Dumps”, writer Grace L. Williams interviewed Michelle DeAngelis, the author of “Get a Life That Doesn’t Suck”.

Aside from these two provocative titles, Michelle had some interesting and noteworthy things to say. I would recommend taking a look at the article.

What struck me was that she hit on what I believe is a critical career issue that isn’t discussed very often. That is, the issue of personal power.

Grace asks Michelle, “Where do you think people’s power has gone?” Michelle answers;

It has been sucked into the vortex of job insecurity, mergers, upheaval of people at work, reduced income, [and] lost 401(k)s. Where it needs to reside is within each of us internally.

People tend to think their work is their identity. It’s normal and human to do that, but [it's] tying your identity to external circumstances. Anything people can do to maintain an identity that is based on their internal self allows them to keep their power.

Wow. Strong stuff. In my mind, this is right on the money. (no pun intended) Often I wind up spending a lot of time with my clients reshaping how they view themselves and thus how they approach networking and interviewing.

If you have given up your personal power – or just put it in the attic for a while – your career is going to suffer. (More importantly, your life is going to suffer.)

You know who you are.

You go to networking meetings feeling like this person might have the key to your future, so you had better approach them with deference. After all, they’re the ones with the power, right? When nothing profound comes from the conversation, you go home dejected.

If you’re currently working and the CEO leads the organization with less than honorable intentions, you feel trapped but have resigned yourself to this horrible fate because the economy is bad. (You might even have a little pity party for yourself on Friday nights.) In this case I guess it’s the economy that has the power. Or maybe your just bored out of your mind, but because you need the money, you keep up the routine.

Because I think it’s so important, I’m going to repeat one of the lines from Michelle’s interview.

Anything people can do to maintain an identity that is based on their internal self allows them to keep their power.

So what can people do to maintain an identify that is based on their internal self? That’s the big question that wasn’t addressed in the article. (I’m not sure if it’s addressed in her book either)

A few suggestions.

1. LEARN TO MEDITATE. If you have never learned how to meditate, give it a try. I don’t mean sit down once and try to calm down your mind – that won’t do the trick. True meditation takes a long time and dedicated practice. If you are willing to make a long-term commitment, I can almost guarantee that you that your personal power will strengthen from within. [A book you might want to check out is "Hurry Up & Meditate"]

2. LIVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. There is nothing more empowering than taking control over your health. I know it’s easy to say but not always easy to do. Start small and build momentum. Eat good food (more local vegetables). Move your body more often. Drink good water. Take time for a healthy lunch even when you are busy.

3. FIND OUT WHAT MAKES YOU GROUNDED. This is different for different people. For many it is a spiritual connection, or getting close to nature or spending quality time with loved ones. As corny as it may sound, feeding your soul matters. Do it.

4. BE KINDER. I have a theory that kindness strengthens our personal power. It aligns us with everything that is good about ourselves. Kindness has a way of sustaining and healing. Feeling sorry for yourself because you didn’t land that job? Get out there and do something to help someone else who is looking.

You may be wondering why I am talking about these types of things in the context of careers. Your inner strength will have a tremendous positive impact on your external life in every way, including your career. People who are grounded and safe within themselves hold great appeal to others.

The truth is, everything really is connected.

Networking Faux Pas #2: THE DAMAGE DONE

SITUATION

My client Jack (not his real name) was a successful investment researcher with very strong technological capabilities. Jack wanted to refocus his career towards software business development.

A previous client, Roger (not his real name), had recently landed at a high growth software services firm. Roger was doing extremely well at this company and I knew he’d be willing to meet Jack.

I set up a virtual introduction and was thrilled to hear that Roger and Jack connected very quickly through email and were scheduled to meet.

Towards the end of the day of the alleged meeting, I sent Roger a quick email to see how the meeting went. Roger immediately responded and said, “Your client stood me up and didn’t even call. What kind of guy is this? I’m ticked off. Not a very good first impression.”

This didn’t seem like it made sense. I was confused and somewhat concerned. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I called Jack to hear what happened. He didn’t answer his phone. I left a concerned message.

A few hours later Jack sent an email and said, “I’m fine. I just got tied up with driving my kids to school and couldn’t make it. I called and rescheduled and apologized – what more does he want?”

REPUTATION

I finally reached Jack live on the phone. He acted as if it was no big deal and he assumed everything was fine because he had rescheduled.

It turns out that Jack did call to reschedule, but he called a few hours after the scheduled time. Essentially Roger was correct – he DID get stood up!

I was furious. Not only did Jack lose all credibility with a person he hadn’t even met yet, but he had imposed a black mark against my reputation. Not good.

Could Jack recoup his losses? Not likely. His chance was gone.

Would I ever introduce him to another one of my contacts? No. Not because he couldn’t make it to the appointment – stuff happens. But Jack used very poor judgment in how he handled the situation from every angle.

SUGGESTION

Jack should have called Roger immediately upon realizing that he wasn’t going to be able to keep his commitment.

We all know what it’s like to juggle personal issues and business commitments. Sometimes we have to put our family first – everybody understands that. But letting Roger wait for several hours before contacting him was a major faux pas.

Not only did Jack seem inconsiderate and rude, but he put me in a very awkward position. On top of all this, he was flip and dismissive when asked about the situation.

First impressions stick like glue. Common courtesy and respecting others’ time seem simple enough, yet some highly experienced people can’t get it right.

Treat contacts like gold – for indeed, they are extremely valuable.