Making Space for Change

Some things are so simple that we overlook them. In the fifteen years that I have been working with clients who are working towards a Career Transition or Reinvention, one very simple issue comes up over and over again – the need to make space for change.

We tend to assume that if we want to change something, and we learn the tools to make progress, it will just happen. Nope.

Clients put lots of energy into learning techniques of self-marketing, repositioning themselves and gaining expertise in various areas and even forcing themselves to learn how to be comfortable network. It takes a lot of emotional and practical energy to build and polish all the skills necessary to make significant career change – even if the desired goal is another job in a similar role, it’s not easy, especially in the current job market.

Why do clients come to me every week and express frustration because they feel like they are spinning their wheels and not making enough progress to believe they can actually make this happen?

Simple. They don’t make make space for change.

If your days are already filled to 120% capacity of what one human being is capable of doing, what makes you think you can add more? You can’t.

If you work 10 hours per day, eat dinner and take care of the kids (or grandchildren), go to the board meeting, fix the doghouse, work on the budget spreadsheet before you go to bed and get up at 6:00am to start all over again, what makes you think that you can recreate your professional identity, and explore other career opportunities? You can’t.

That is, you CAN, but you must make space for change.

Probably the most important thing you need to do in order for your life to be different is to make space for change. That means you have to make some tough choices about what you are going to STOP doing, so that you can do something different. (make sense?)

What will you say “no” to? What are you willing to postpone? What do you have to communicate to your loved ones to help you make space for change? What will you give up in your life so that new good stuff can come in?

There are many good reasons for realizing that it’s time for change in your life. Dawn Rosenberg McKay lists several good reasons to consider a job change in her blog “Six Reasons To Make a Career Change“. In my opinion, the best test is if your gut keeps nagging you that it’s time.

I propose that the most important gift you will ever give yourself is to make space for change. Not only for career transition, but for just about anything you want your life to become.

Are you willing to make space for change?

Breaking the Spell of Fear

I think about fear a lot.

For years I have been exploring the depths of the human experience and all of the surprises it holds – to me, this is great fun!

Having trained myself to be highly tuned into the process of making decisions based on fear, I try to ‘catch myself’ and change the course of events towards a more positive path.

I have always been intrigued by Buddhism and other far eastern philosophies. I still am.  

But that’s a huge peek inside my personal life. For now, I want to share a couple of thoughts I had about a topic that (I believe) is closely connected to reinventing ourselves and career transition.

On the Tricycle Magazine website, I found an article about fear and how important it is for us to ‘invite fear in’. If  you are familiar with the teachings of Thich Nhat Hahn, you may remember that he reminds us to invite the fear in for tea and welcome it warmly. He says, “Hello my friend, fear. Please come and share tea with me. Let me understand you better. I’m happy to see you”.

Seems ridiculous upon first glance, doesn’t it?

But if you think about it, there could be a very profound message here. When we stop resisting, life usually becomes less of a struggle. When we stop fighting and accept things on a moment to moment basis, our breath calms down and we feel more centered.

You probably see how this can relate to the process of reinventing ourselves and career transition. When reshaping our work identity, it is very common to feel lost, confused, anxious and even angry. I’ve heard many consultants tell their clients that it is very much a roller coaster ride. I have also witnessed clients’ frustration and declarations of “giving up on this because it’s not going anywhere”.

Do you think these feelings and reactions could stem from fear?

Are we worried that we will lose our place in the world as we know it? Are we afraid that we won’t be able to find another identity; to feel needed and be part of a group? Are we afraid that we will whither away into nothingness and be failures in the eyes of our loved ones or colleagues?

Ezra Bayda, the author of the Tricycle article, suggests that

When we can feel fear within the spaciousness of the breath and heart, we may even come to see it more as an adventure than a nightmare. To see it as an adventure means being willing to take the ride with curiosity, even with its inevitable ups and downs.

How great would it be if we could learn to think of the journey of career transition as a great adventure and ride the process with excitement and curiosity?

Our physical health would prosper, no doubt, and I imagine that the people we meet along the way would find us much more interesting as we approach them with excitement and exploration rather than desperation and impatience.

Give it a try. Invite your fear in for tea, and offer it an olive branch.  

On Becoming a Job Search Machine

Redwood trees blow my mind. They are awe-inspiring. I have a particular affinity towards Redwoods, and although I have never stood in their presence, I am certain that doing so will be a spiritual awakening.

In National Geographic’s current issue, there is a fascinating article entitled REDWOODS: The Super Trees,  about the Redwood Forests in California.

In the article, Evan Smith, vice president of forestland for the Conservation Fund says,

Redwoods are what’s known in biology as a very plastic species. [They're] like machines. Once you get [them] going, you can’t stop [them].

This made me think of how difficult the job search process has become in  modern times. (okay, so my mind works in funny ways)

With advances in technology and the social media explosion, one would think that it would be easier to make connections and to land jobs in this day and age. Um, uh, hmm, well no – I’m afraid that’s not the case.

It is indeed counter-intuitive, but on the contrary, job seeker’s must be incredibly diligent and relentless simply to gain an opportunity to have a conversation with a hiring manager. Quite simply, it seems harder now than ever to apply for a job.

Of course, the current economic conditions don’t make the process easier, but even still…applying to a job now is never just a matter of forwarding your resume to a company that has a need for someone like you. You must always combine the tools of networking, online applications and personal branding to make headway. And even then, there is a good chance you will need some luck, too.

So – back to the Redwoods and Evan Smith’s statement.

It seems that career changers and job seekers, just like the Redwoods that have been around for thousands of years, need to become a “plastic species”. Mr. Smith says the trees are like machines – they never stop growing and replenishing themselves.

Job seekers & career changers also need to get positive momentum going and never let it stop. Momentum is the key to keeping your career alive.

Continuously expand your networking. Continue learning and keeping abreast of business and technological changes. This is even more important after you land a job.

Shift your paradigms if necessary – meeting new people can be interesting and fun with the right mindset. Pull back for a short time when you need to, but keep the energy going. Don’t let yourself fizzle.

One word of caution: Don’t become really plastic or really like a machine. Once you take the human element out of the equation, your uniqueness gets lost, you seem insincere and people get turned off.

Without authenticity and differentiation, you will definitely be placed on the endangered species list in the job market.

On a similar note – if you are interested in authenticity in a job search, you may find it interesting to read Cathy Keates’ blog “If I had a Hammer”.

What I like about her is that she is brave enough to introduce a novel idea – that perhaps we need a new approach to job search language; one that omits the idea of  ’selling yourself’ or creating ‘commercials’ about your background.

QUESTION: Do you think her ideas are just about semantics, or do you think she’s hit on a good point here?

Check her out – Cathy Keates, author of Not For Sale! Why We Need a New Job Search Mindset

Heed the Hummingbird

Lately I have been doing a great deal of personal reflection about life, career and the laws of nature. Of course, this is nothing new for me, since my work with clients stems from a longing to understand how we can all live, work, feel connected to something meaningful while honoring our unique stance in the world.

Another reason for this intense reflection is because several friends and colleagues are struggling with the passing or serious illness of a loved one. If you have experienced this type of journey, you might relate to the internal “jolt” that it creates.

I happened upon Cathy Shaughnessy’s prior blog entitled “On Leadership and Hummingbirds” this afternoon. The blog had those wonderful elements of profundity and simplicity that make us stop, listen and maybe for one moment, understand.

It occurred to me… that there is something to be learned from the way things work in nature. I discovered that hummingbirds have a couple of things in common with leaders.

Speed An average hummingbird can move at an incredible speed, flapping its wings between 80 and 200 beats per second and taking 300 to 500 breaths per minute. Amoung the most common challenges faced by the leaders that I work with today is the speed that they need to move to keep up with the pace of the work. It’s nothing short of break-neck.

Cross Pollination Playing a critical role in plant propagation, a hummingbird can pollinate 2000 blossoms each day and cover miles of ground in the process. [Most knowledge workers] …deal instead in the propagation of ideas, concepts, products and business relationships with a reach that spans the globe.

So, how does this tiny bird weighing no more than 10 grams keep on going? Simple. It stops sometimes. It enters a state called ‘torpor’, a period of deep rest in which it conserves about 60 per cent of its energy. It takes a break to just be still.

Cathy makes the analogy of hummingbirds and leaders. May I suggest that all of us are leaders in our own spheres. We must all consciously enter into “torpor” so that we can remember what’s important and feel the infinite potential of each moment.

We are on a very fast-moving train. It’s fun and challenging and exciting – yet we can easily miss the point of it all.

So there you have it. Another reminder to stop, listen and just ‘be’.

The irony of stopping is that it fills us with a sense of energy and calm, so everything we continue doing moves in a more positive direction.

When have you entered into torpor lately?

Toltec Wisdom Applied to Careers

What does personal freedom have to do with career decisions and work satisfaction?

Personal freedom is connected with the human spirit. We can blame everyone and everything for imposing on our personal freedom, but the truth is that we often stop ourselves from being free.

Thousands of years ago, the Toltecs were a people known in Mexico as “women and men of knowledge”. They were masters and students. Toltec knowledge was not a religion but rather, a way of life, and its wisdom can provide valuable insights into modern day job search or career transition.

Several years ago I read a book entitled The Four Agreements http://tinyurl.com/6kx5f9 by Don Miguel Ruiz. I picked it up again recently.

The Four Agreements are very basic yet powerful. See if you might gain some value from thinking about them in relationship to your career journey.

The First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word

Your reputation is everything. Whether you are just beginning to build your career, are a seasoned leader in your prime, or an individual ready to transition out of one career into another, you must speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.

Building trust and developing a reputation of integrity will carry you through difficult times and also be a legacy for those who rise behind you.

If you are in a career transition or job search, your word and how trustworthy and real you are will precede you when you are networking and will follow you into your next endeavor.

Yes – polish your approach and refine your words, but be honest and true. You won’t go wrong.

The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally

This is the toughest agreement for me to abide by. I used to take everything personally. I am finally at a point where I can let things go much of the time, but I still catch myself taking things personally.

The point of this agreement is that nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.

If someone gives you an opinion that is negative, i.e. ‘You can’t do this job’ – don’t take it personally. Taking things personally sets you up to suffer.

Be gracious and positive, and know that you are a person of quality and integrity, and move on.

To me, this is one of the most difficult of the agreements, yet I think it is vitally important. Think about how confident and centered you would come across to others if you didn’t take things personally and react defensively.

The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

We tend to make assumptions about everything, and worse yet, we believe that our assumptions are true. Very dangerous.

Assumptions happen quickly. Our minds trick us.

Say you went on an interview with the CEO of a new start-up and you had a great conversation, had a lot in common and she talked like you already had the job. You left the meeting on a high; you went home and you assumed this deal was moving forward – “This is it,” you say to yourself. “I’m their new Marketing Director”.

Three weeks go by and you don’t hear a word. Now you make a different assumption all of a sudden. You assume the CEO is not considering you and she was just ‘acting’ as if she liked you. Is this true? We don’t know.

Perhaps the CEO is traveling. Perhaps the company is on the brink of a big meeting with a venture capitalist for a huge infusion of money. You don’t know.

Making assumptions is a habit. Just like any other habit, we need to take a different action over and over again to change it. Practice.

One way to avoid making assumptions is to ask questions for clarity.

The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best

This agreement allows the first three to become ingrained.

“Always do your best”- We have heard this before. Simple, right? Well – not always.

How often do you feel guilty because you “should have researched that company more before meeting that networking contact” or you “could have closed that deal if you had remembered the details about that product”…

One thing to keep in mind is that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to another.

Everything in life is constantly changing, so your best will also change over time. Just do your best in any circumstance and don’t judge yourself (that’s the hard part).

The more you practice these agreements, the more centered and clear your life will become. People will be drawn to you and think highly of you.

And I suspect you will be more likely to attract the type of work situations that are a good match for you.

How Power, Kindness & Veggies Can Help Your Career

In a recent Wall Street Journal Article, “How to Fix a Career in the Dumps”, writer Grace L. Williams interviewed Michelle DeAngelis, the author of “Get a Life That Doesn’t Suck”.

Aside from these two provocative titles, Michelle had some interesting and noteworthy things to say. I would recommend taking a look at the article.

What struck me was that she hit on what I believe is a critical career issue that isn’t discussed very often. That is, the issue of personal power.

Grace asks Michelle, “Where do you think people’s power has gone?” Michelle answers;

It has been sucked into the vortex of job insecurity, mergers, upheaval of people at work, reduced income, [and] lost 401(k)s. Where it needs to reside is within each of us internally.

People tend to think their work is their identity. It’s normal and human to do that, but [it's] tying your identity to external circumstances. Anything people can do to maintain an identity that is based on their internal self allows them to keep their power.

Wow. Strong stuff. In my mind, this is right on the money. (no pun intended) Often I wind up spending a lot of time with my clients reshaping how they view themselves and thus how they approach networking and interviewing.

If you have given up your personal power – or just put it in the attic for a while – your career is going to suffer. (More importantly, your life is going to suffer.)

You know who you are.

You go to networking meetings feeling like this person might have the key to your future, so you had better approach them with deference. After all, they’re the ones with the power, right? When nothing profound comes from the conversation, you go home dejected.

If you’re currently working and the CEO leads the organization with less than honorable intentions, you feel trapped but have resigned yourself to this horrible fate because the economy is bad. (You might even have a little pity party for yourself on Friday nights.) In this case I guess it’s the economy that has the power. Or maybe your just bored out of your mind, but because you need the money, you keep up the routine.

Because I think it’s so important, I’m going to repeat one of the lines from Michelle’s interview.

Anything people can do to maintain an identity that is based on their internal self allows them to keep their power.

So what can people do to maintain an identify that is based on their internal self? That’s the big question that wasn’t addressed in the article. (I’m not sure if it’s addressed in her book either)

A few suggestions.

1. LEARN TO MEDITATE. If you have never learned how to meditate, give it a try. I don’t mean sit down once and try to calm down your mind – that won’t do the trick. True meditation takes a long time and dedicated practice. If you are willing to make a long-term commitment, I can almost guarantee that you that your personal power will strengthen from within. [A book you might want to check out is "Hurry Up & Meditate"]

2. LIVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. There is nothing more empowering than taking control over your health. I know it’s easy to say but not always easy to do. Start small and build momentum. Eat good food (more local vegetables). Move your body more often. Drink good water. Take time for a healthy lunch even when you are busy.

3. FIND OUT WHAT MAKES YOU GROUNDED. This is different for different people. For many it is a spiritual connection, or getting close to nature or spending quality time with loved ones. As corny as it may sound, feeding your soul matters. Do it.

4. BE KINDER. I have a theory that kindness strengthens our personal power. It aligns us with everything that is good about ourselves. Kindness has a way of sustaining and healing. Feeling sorry for yourself because you didn’t land that job? Get out there and do something to help someone else who is looking.

You may be wondering why I am talking about these types of things in the context of careers. Your inner strength will have a tremendous positive impact on your external life in every way, including your career. People who are grounded and safe within themselves hold great appeal to others.

The truth is, everything really is connected.

Networking Faux Pas #2: THE DAMAGE DONE

SITUATION

My client Jack (not his real name) was a successful investment researcher with very strong technological capabilities. Jack wanted to refocus his career towards software business development.

A previous client, Roger (not his real name), had recently landed at a high growth software services firm. Roger was doing extremely well at this company and I knew he’d be willing to meet Jack.

I set up a virtual introduction and was thrilled to hear that Roger and Jack connected very quickly through email and were scheduled to meet.

Towards the end of the day of the alleged meeting, I sent Roger a quick email to see how the meeting went. Roger immediately responded and said, “Your client stood me up and didn’t even call. What kind of guy is this? I’m ticked off. Not a very good first impression.”

This didn’t seem like it made sense. I was confused and somewhat concerned. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I called Jack to hear what happened. He didn’t answer his phone. I left a concerned message.

A few hours later Jack sent an email and said, “I’m fine. I just got tied up with driving my kids to school and couldn’t make it. I called and rescheduled and apologized – what more does he want?”

REPUTATION

I finally reached Jack live on the phone. He acted as if it was no big deal and he assumed everything was fine because he had rescheduled.

It turns out that Jack did call to reschedule, but he called a few hours after the scheduled time. Essentially Roger was correct – he DID get stood up!

I was furious. Not only did Jack lose all credibility with a person he hadn’t even met yet, but he had imposed a black mark against my reputation. Not good.

Could Jack recoup his losses? Not likely. His chance was gone.

Would I ever introduce him to another one of my contacts? No. Not because he couldn’t make it to the appointment – stuff happens. But Jack used very poor judgment in how he handled the situation from every angle.

SUGGESTION

Jack should have called Roger immediately upon realizing that he wasn’t going to be able to keep his commitment.

We all know what it’s like to juggle personal issues and business commitments. Sometimes we have to put our family first – everybody understands that. But letting Roger wait for several hours before contacting him was a major faux pas.

Not only did Jack seem inconsiderate and rude, but he put me in a very awkward position. On top of all this, he was flip and dismissive when asked about the situation.

First impressions stick like glue. Common courtesy and respecting others’ time seem simple enough, yet some highly experienced people can’t get it right.

Treat contacts like gold – for indeed, they are extremely valuable.

Top Skill for Career Changers & Job Seekers

What is the most important skill to possess these days to maintain some sense of sanity?

Perspective.

Most of us have already experienced the bizarre nature of life, with its twists, turns, surprises, joys and lessons. What is the one thing that can keep us on an even keel through the ups and downs? Perspective.

This also holds true during a career transition or job search. If you can’t maintain a sense of perspective, you are in for a rather dramatic roller coaster ride and a strong possibility of losing your cool.

What is perspective? Here’s my take. It’s the ability (and propensity) to see the same situation through different lenses so as to provide some emotional distance from the issue at hand.

Why am I bringing this up now, you ask? While reading a guest blog on CAREEREALISM (@JT O’Donnell) I took note of a post by Colin Nanka.

Colin referred to a story about Ted Leonsis’ brush with death back in 1983 and how it transformed his life.

“Ted Leonsis, the owner of the Washington Capitals and an Internet multimillionaire, may seem like a guy who has it all. But he hasn’t done it all. When he survived a plane crash landing in 1983, he made a list of 101 things he wanted to do in life.”

At the time of the article, Ted had accomplished 78 things on his list and was still going strong.

Colin’s point was that many of us don’t take stock of our lives very often. (Of course we don’t – we’re ‘too busy’ or distracted most of the time)

If we want to be happier people and lead rich and fulfilling lives, it might behoove us to think about this more often. I like how Colin said it; “Many people meander through life, letting life blow them around like a leaf in the wind”.

If we have perspective, we can glide more easily through the difficult process of career transition, unemployment, or the ups and downs of a frustrating job search. Because in the scheme of things, just how life-altering is it that the CEO was rude to you or that you haven’t heard back from the biotech firm you interviewed with 10 days ago?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the journey (career transition or life) is easy by any means. But keeping perspective let’s everything fall in its place in due time without as many deep bruises.

So the next time you feel slighted by that new contact that hasn’t returned your call, remind yourself that you have clean water to drink and air to breathe…and you probably heard the birds singing today.

One of the best methods of maintaining perspective is by focusing your energy on someone else who is in a tougher situation than you are. There are plenty of people out there that probably fit that bill.

And while you’re waiting for that recruiter to call you back, start writing a list of the 101 things you want to do in your life before you die.

Connect with me on LinkedIn

Breaking Thru Self Resistance

We are complicated creatures.

We want change in our lives, yet we often don’t take the actions needed to achieve that change. Do we see ourselves resisting? Not usually.

I am working with an interesting client, Trudy (not her real name). When I first met her, Trudy even fooled me into thinking that she was going to be pushing through the obstacles of career change like Michael Phelps through an olympic swimming pool.

Not so. Trudy is her own greatest resistance.

Trudy has a lot to offer. She is a natural leader, has great presentation skills, and is extremely self-motivated; except when it comes to her career transition.

She is stalling. Big time.

Fascinating.

Trudy came into my office last week almost in a haze. Out of ten action items we had agreed on, she attempted only one. She was very nonchalant about not taking any action. We talked for a while and then she said, “I’m just not making any progress. Why can’t I make this change happen?”

Hmmm. Interesting that Trudy doesn’t connect the dots that she might not be succeeding because she hasn’t done anything about it. In her mind, she has been extremely busy and therefore she should be getting offers.

The problem is that Trudy is busy with everything else except her career. She has been harried and running errands for everyone in her family for the past six weeks – always putting off her own calling.

We had a heart to heart discussion. It’s time to address the fears and insecurities and decide to either work through them or give up.

What could Trudy be afraid of? Hmm. Failure? Success? Getting rejected? How her husband might feel if she makes more money than he does?… how her 25 year old son might feel if Trudy isn’t always at his beckon call?…

(We can think of a thousand excuses to sabotage ourselves.)

You can keep yourself crazy busy running with miscellaneous activities, or you can get down to the business of moving your life forward.

In Herminia Ibarra’s book, Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career, she states that sometimes you need to slow down and step back. You can’t live in between two worlds – it’s stressful there. It takes more energy to have one foot in the boat and one on the shore, than to get in or out.

Which is it?

Faux Pas #1 – Networking

Reputation is everything. We hear that over and over. It’s true. Yet there are certain behaviors that many of us are guilty of that tarnish our reputation. They seem like small things, but they’re not.

Take networking. Most of us know it’s crucial to a career, yet some people still don’t take it seriously.

Several people have blown my mind lately with their lackadaisical (and sometimes oblivious) approach to networking, especially if they are looking for a new position.

Let’s keep it simple. I’ll be writing about a series of faux pas’ over the next several weeks. Which faux pas have you committed lately? Here’s the first.

Faux Pas #1

SITUATION: You’ve had a tough few weeks. You’ve been on the job hunt for a few months with no progress – everything seems to have come to a screeching halt. Your good friend (Darren) is concerned, and emails a contact (Sarah) and asks if she will meet with you. Sarah has known Darren for a long time, so of course she says, “Sure”.

Darren initiates a virtual introduction through email. He feels good because this may get some momentum going for you. After all, Sarah is VP of Marketing for a global consumer goods company, and you are looking for a Director of Marketing role. She may be able to put you in touch with other people.

Darren sees Sarah at a party a couple of weeks later. She says, ‘Hey, I never heard from your friend, what’s up?’ Darren is caught off guard. “Gee, I thought he would have contacted you already, sorry about that.”

“No worries”, Sarah says, “I’m swamped at work anyway and I’m leaving for a business trip. I’ll be gone for a few weeks.”

REPUTATION: Alrighty then! Darren feels like a jerk after asking Sarah to do him a favor, and Sarah thinks you’re not really serious about your job search anyway so it’s no big deal to her. She’s got more important things to worry about.

You see Darren later the following week. He asks why you didn’t contact Sarah and you say, ‘Oh, I forgot all about it. I just haven’t gotten to it yet – too busy. Dam, I feel like I’m never going to land a job this time.’ Darren SAYS ‘No problem’, but what is he really thinking?

He’s THINKING, “How could you complain about not landing a job when you didn’t even take me up on a sure thing to meet with Sarah? I’ve know her for years and she is always willing to help. I try not to ask her for too many favors because I know she travels a lot and is under a lot of pressure at work. That’s the last time I hook you up with one of my contacts- you’re on your own.”

Oh, and Sarah? She found out just before she left for her business trip that her company just put a requisition in for a Marketing Director in a sister division. What do you think the chances are that she’ll tell Darren to let you know?

SUGGESTION: If someone sets you up through a direct introduction to network with someone from their circle, have the good sense and common courtesy to follow up within 48 hours. If you decide you aren’t going to follow up quickly, for god’s sake – inform your original contact!!

There may be hidden reasons why you didn’t follow up with Sarah quickly. If you are introverted, you may just need some time to prepare and muster up the emotional energy to meet with someone when you are already stressed. Still no excuse not to communicate appropriately with your original contact and save your reputation.

Note: @Wendy Gelberg wrote a book on the Introvert’s  job search… an article  in Forbes quotes her,

http://tinyurl.com/dbudct